♥ My Grandma ♥

My grandma, she passed away when I was 6 years old. I don't have much memories with her. But still I have part of the pieces of memory about her.

I used to go to her house and overnight every weekend or holiday. She always cooked a lot for me and wanted me to eat more and more.

And I remember once when I was sleeping, I woke up for no reason early in the morning. My back was facing her, and she doesn't know I'm awake. She put on blanket for me and she touched my head for few times. I know she loves me very very much. She is old and she always have difficulty in sleeping.

I admit my attitude and my temper are really bad. I fight with her once, not once I guess. But that's the only once I have in my memory. I don't remember what we are fighting for. She was in the living room and I was in the room. I came out from the room and hit the cabinet really hard, trying to tell her: Grandma, Im angry with you!! But I was hiding behind the cabinet so she won't see me. She heard it, and said: Hit it harder, if things on the cabinet fall down, I will chop you into 18 pieces! I cried and ran back to room. After a while, she came with chocolate. But I fall asleep on bed after too tired of crying. But I knew she was beside me touching my head again.

But I really can't remember much about her. I was too young and small. Am I?

My mum told me, my grandma sick because of me. She was helping me to shower. And then she fells down when she walking out from the toilet. She fall. After that, she started to sick. She was in the hospital. Many times. Check in check out. Non stop.

I asked my mum: Where is grandma now? I didn't go to her house in ages. Never see her for a long time. And my mum said: She is in the hospital now. When she gets better, I will bring you to see her ok? OK.

One day, my mum told me to get dressed and she is going to bring me to hospital. I was too young. Too small. I don't remember much. But I remember, when we get to her room. All the other relatives was beside her bed. I saw her laying there, with machine and also her oxygen mask. She has difficulties in talking and she was too weak to move and talk. But when she saw me, she called me. She has something to tell me. My aunt goes near to her, gently pull her oxygen mask off and trying to listen what she wanna tells. My aunt cried, turned to me and said: 要听话(3 words she left for me). I nod my head non stop and said I will I will !

Few days later, my brother came to tell me. Grandma passed away already. He said it in a rude way, grandma died. Go and get changed now. Mum gonna pick us up now and bring us there. Remember to wear white shirt. I was thinking, he must be kidding. Trying to make fun of me so he can tell the whole world he succeed to cheat on me with his joke. Although I was thinking that way, but I turned sad, my tears just doesn't listen to me. I cried secretly so he won't see it.

When we arrive grandma's house, something is different with her house. But, but I saw all my aunties are sitting out there talking and chatting and they laughing too. And I was thinking: OMG, what on earth is going on?! Grandma passed away and all of you sitting here laughing so loud? Or grandma still alive? I'm still giving myself hope and trying to lie to myself.

But when I get into her house, my hope broke. I saw coffin and grandma's picture in front of the coffin. But I'm too short to look into the coffin. My dad told me: Ahh, grandma is inside. Can you see it? Then my dad hold me up so I'm able to see what's inside the coffin. Fine, I see it now. Grandma is dead! My tears out of control when I see it. I cried secretly again.

For the next seven days, everything goes well. But grandma's body turned a little bit yellowish. And it is the last day. Last day for me to see her body. Then she will be buried with her coffin together.

On the way to grave, finally I see all my aunties started to cry. And I cried out loud. I can't stand it anymore. I cried all the way until the grave.

I cried every night after that. And I cover myself with blanket. I even crying when I'm shower. So nobody will see I'm crying. At school, my friends asked why I skipped class for seven days and there are a lot of works to do. I tell them the reason and my tears come out. I turned away and laugh so I can cover how sad I am and how loud I wanna cry out loud. Once, I'm crying and hiding myself under the blanket. My brother, he realized it. I don't know he was trying to tease me or concern about me. He said out really loud: HOR! MEIMEI IS CRYING!! I hate him so much. For teasing me. I clear my throat and said: Im not crying, shut up and get out!

For the next few weeks, I'm super sad. I cant stop crying every night. I just cant. Whats on my mind was: Grandma passed away, she will never come back anymore. She wont. She wont. Never ever forever! I miss her so much.

I felt better after few months. But sometime when I miss her, those feelings just annoyed me. It feels like how's a couple breaks up I guess?

R.I.P Grandma, I still miss you though. I'm 20 years old now but sill I never forget you.

Since that time, I will never cry more than 1 day. Nobody has the qualifications to make me so sad like this. I won't cry for a guy and how I broke up with my exs. I don't think that is sad enough. Even with all the farewell with friends or whatever, I don't cry. Friends still alive, so what for you cry in front of them? Laugh, joke and smile so they have a good impression on the last day they see us.

So, girls. If a guy fucking dump you, don't cry for them. It is not worth at all. Don't waste your tears on a guy who doesn't know how to appreciate and love you. Life still goes on and cheers up! You can cry, but 1 minute is enough! Remember this ok?

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