记得小时候，

记得小时候我会躺在你胸膛，不给你走的闹别扭说不要走，陪我睡。醒来后你都不见。长大了你让我学会一个人在漆黑的房间睡觉。自己住酒店也不害怕。

记得小时候已经对钱很敏感的帮你管理钱，有多余的自己拿来用。长大后，我自己学会了管理钱，该花就花，不该花就不花，花了也记下花在哪边。

记得小时候我害怕陌生人的时候我总是躲在你背后。在你朋友面前大吵大闹要回家不给你一丝面子，你都不生气，反而很有耐心的叫我等你一下。长大了你让我学会在别人面前要有礼貌，就算不喜欢也要等回家之后才闹。

记得小时候你总爱带我去游泳池，特地请人教我游泳。要我这矮人十等的小妹跳进深不见底的游泳池里是多么的恐怖。不是这样，也不会有今天的我。就算要我跳进深不见底的大海里也不害怕。还变成今天的那所谓整天只穿着比基尼女郎。

记得小时候你总爱说些很无聊的废话，找一些无聊的东西做弄我，搞到我哭笑不得。长大后，你让我学会弄身边的朋友笑。让我学会说无聊话搞到朋友很无奈的想打我。

记得小时候你偶尔会花些心思，准备些惊喜给我。让我感动，让我觉得我一定要对你很好。长大后，我都学会花心思逗一逗我身边珍贵的朋友。让他们也觉得他们应该要对我好一点。

记得小时候都好像很穷，你都会把你身上所有钱给了我，就是因为我闹别扭要买东西。长大了我都学会好好的用钱，对有需要的朋友总是毫不犹豫的把钱借给他。

记得小时候你总是害我迟到上学，然后教我说谎，告诉老师又塞车了。长大后，我都不敢再迟到因为迟到走进课室的时候很尴尬。

记得小时候我生你气时，你总会在旁边跟我说话，问我东西，说些白痴话。而我就从来都不想理你。等他你无奈走开了，我才乖乖的跟你说回话。长大后，我没学到什么。我只知道生气的时候最好什么都不说，不然说错话让你伤心了。

记得小时候我不知所措时总是第一个打电话给你问你怎么办好，而你就算死也死给我解决。因为是宝贝女儿的命令。长大后哭的时候也是第一个打给你，但却不是要你解决，只是想问你在干嘛？我想找人聊天。

记得小时候我不懂犯了什么错，你第一次出手打哭我了。那时候我感觉到你不爱我了。长大后，我都不敢犯错。因为就是错了，你也不再打我了。就算错了，你还可以容忍我。

记得小时候我贪玩跟朋友去了一个很遥远的地方玩没有通知你一声。害你在我约好的时间和地点焦急的等了我很久，电话打通了我又不接。那一次我很怕，想了很多谎话骗你。结果还是被你发现了。你只是很心平气和的问我去了哪里，为什么去这么远不通知一声。我不会不给你去，但是万一你出了什么事该怎么办？那个晚上我很懊悔，我哭了很久。长大后无论我去哪里都好，我都学会写封简讯告诉他我在哪里，几点回。

长大后，距离远了，感觉变了，语气换了，脾气坏了，态度差了，沟通少了， 吵架多了，体谅没了。

对你的印象没那么深刻了，就算有也是小时候的那些记忆。长大后，肉麻的事情都不做了，只是偶尔几通电话，没钱单声，立刻汇给你。对你的事情总是重写，因为害怕有一天我嫁人了，把你给忘记了。

When Girls go to the gym...,

It's like a fever for everyone especially girls to go to the gym. Okay, I'm talking about those princess girly girl alright. Don't ever feel that I'm saying you in my blog okkk.

First of all, let's see.

1) Selfie 

Usually when typical girls go to gym to do exercise, they do a lot of selfie more than their sit ups. 100 selfie pictures, 10 sit ups. Fair enough. Please la, seriously what's the point when you spend so many times on selfie instead of doing your sit ups? Furthermore, you keep looking who's like on that pictures in your social networks wei? Go home can ha?

2) Make up 

Wahlau eh, go gym also want make up lo. Somemore waterproof one leh the eye liner. Don't play play! Seriously, if you're so afraid to show your ugly face, why don't u stay at home? Because in the gym, everyone is not really looking that great with the "I'm gonna die" face, "1000 sit ups done" face, "the squat" face and so on. I know what you want, you only want the waist line on your fat tummy, the super duper hyper extremely nice ass and what else? A slim legs maybe? If that's all, you can actually do it at home. You don't need to go all the way to the gym and waste your eye liner. It's freaking me out when it's not a waterproof one. So, don't post a picture with your make up face wearing a sport bra with a caption saying HARD WORK TODAY! I no see hard work at all baby. I see fat tummy. Opps.

3) Check In 

I tell you la, you must believe me. Even I'm not staying with you, I'm not that close with you, we don't contact that much at all, we are staying 283478264 miles away but I'll tell you what!! I know how many times you went to the gym in a god damn one week!! DO YOU SERIOUSLY NEED TO CHECK IN EVERY TIME YOU GO TO THE GYM? To tell people how hard core you are on check in the fb?

4) Report 

When I'm in school, I write report. In college, I still need to write a report. Even sometimes my jobs, I still still need to get one report done. But you, you are just going to the gym wei. Do you really need to write a report on facebook? On the bloody hell facebook social networks? Today, 15 squats, 20 sit ups, 15 push up, and 1500 selfies. I think I can do it more tomorrow. Jia you myself!! (Omg, I'm crying when I see this! Write it in your diary, not your fb, people is looking, and I'm already hide the posts.) 

5) Chatting more than exercise 

This one really kek sei. In the gym, wow nice ass you have, how long you've been working out on it? WOW, nice boobs there! Whao nice hair ~~ All the people in gym you also know d, what else you want to do now? 

6) Checking on hot guys 

If you really want to hit on guys, go other place la. People here for gym, not here for you to hit leh! Don't disturb other people la please eh xiao jie. 跑回去你的跑步机可以吗？

7) Videos 

Wahlau eh, you know ah? Nowadays we got instagram videos, we got MeiPai apps. You really know how to make use of it hor? You seriously need to make a video for how many push up you do one meh? I don't understand leh, can you tell me what is the purpose ah? 

8) Facebook 

Exactly! You see she will check in first, then she write report d, after that she made a videos, what else? You kena all d ah? LOL. Then after 10 sit ups, her phone keeping got notifications d. Ah miao commented on your videos, LiQii woo and 100000 people likes your video. LiQii woo commented on your status, "wahlau so busy write report, no need work out one is it?" You busy liao lo, no need sit ups d ma? 

9) Give up soon 

Then you will see they got lots of delicious foods pictures up there and caption: eat liao only increase my sit ups, eating can increase my selfie pictures also. Less going to the gym d, starting to emo liao. Say work liao so long also fat. Eventually, give up liao~ No more gym pictures after they see my blog. Finally people around me no one going to the gym but end up after one month, everyone post their waistline pictures. Wuhoooo~ This is the happy ending I imagine for them lol 

10) Back to beginning 

Basically back to the beginning, you will see them emo again calling themselves fat and starting to go to gym again and start all over againnnnnn. 

Honestly I don't go to gym, even if I go to gym, I'm like those typical girls who selfie hahahahaha. The reason I don't go to gym is because got lots of people, lots of distraction, people looking at you, I don't know how to use the equipment, and I scare I will scare them off away and I got no money for it.

So what I do was, I used to sit ups, squats, planks and everything at home. I used to lah, now no more d! HAHAHAHA. So my advices for my friends is, if you really want waistline, you do all these exercise at home and don't give up. Do it for a month non stop. I suggest you to choose February because got 28 days only. That's it, tahan a month, sure got results. 

Everytime when I tell my friends these, they will be like: Haiya, I know lah. I lazy only ma. Do 3 days give up d. You see your problem d? So don't ask for my advices if you're so fucking lazy, I'm lazy to talk to you too. And you're fats on your tummy are lazy to leave you. So diam, go home start doing it. I'll see you one month later, high five face! 

BYE

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Things that I dislike during yam cha

Define 'Yam cha'. (5 marks)

YAM CHA is a very common word we use in Malaysia. Most of my ang mo friends don't know what is yam cha. Let me tell u, if I direct translate to English, it means drink tea. In Malaysia, we don't really mean drink tea. But we all gather together, sit down, chit chat and have some drinks. It could be beers, fruit juices, soft drinks but we don't mean to drink tea. Because scare night time cannot sleep ma! So, basically we say it like: oi, let's go yam cha tonight! Got the picture yet?

Yea, I dislike to yam cha due to some reasons.

1) Smoke kaki

It means the gang of smokers. Can you imagine the whole group of people sitting together chitchatting and the whole group of them are smoking?! And I'm the only one who don't smoke? I can't even say duh!! really?! I'm gonna die by just inhaling u guys secondhand smoke! and the whole chatting session I'm totally in a dizzy mode. When they finally say gosh, it's late now, let's go home. Wow, release man release. I can finally now inhale the fresh air as much as possible. Honestly? Hello, I wish u guys bring a plastic bag along so u could cover your head and inhale exhale your own smoke baby! Don't worry, I'll bring the plastic bags for u guys next time!

2) Phone Kaki

You can't imagine this, or I mean you can. They ask me out for yam cha and all they do is they chatting on their phone. Hey babe, what's wrong? I'm infront of you. Like, why the fuck u ask me out and all u did is just textin? Why don't u get your ass back home and do it instead of asking me out to see how u text? I know how to text with phone, I really do. You don't have to show me honey. Will u just go home please? 

3) Talk too much kaki

OMG, I always have this situation. Is like they keep talking from the beginning of the yam cha session till the end of the session. And I've been a best listener u ever had in your life. I don't interrupt u, I agree with whatever u say, I say you're doing the right things just to make u stop talking. Seriously, yam cha is a 2 ways communication man. But it seems like you're the only one who talking. Pathetic. Pathetic. Pathetic. Me. I wish to talk too. HAHAHA. LET ME TALK! Im actually not a quiet person.

4) Cold zone kaki

The one who never catch up with the topic we chatting. I asked have u eaten? She said no, I came from bukit bintang? well, is there lots of stars from where u come from? Oi, wake up liao la ~~ come back to Malaysia wei, youre not with penguins anymore.

5) check in kaki

They asked me out, they asked how are you, then they check on their facebook, they checked in and tagged me on it. And thats all about it. End of the yam cha session. This is the intention they asked me out ):

Just to check in a nice place. Cool stuff.

6) Sales kaki

Oi, long time no see. How are you? I'm good. I've been doing this and selling this? would you like to join me?

Oh gawt, Oh gawt, Oh gawt!! You cheated me. You ask me out and make me listen to your stuff for the fucking few hours? Just fucking kill me please. I DON'T WANT TO JOIN ANYTHING! just let me go home. Please I beg you. I beg u please. Can I throw my bag to your face?

7) Beer kaki

Like I said, yam cha doesn't mean drink tea. It means other things. Beers, fruit juices or soft drinks. But for me, beers is a fucking no no! When I said no, they called me bored. I didn't know drinking beer is a so called I'M NOT A BORED PERSON.

Oh u call that relax? That's always million of ways to relax instead of getting drunk and stay not sober and u need to drive home in that situation and cause a fucking accident on the road.

You're wasting oxygen to live, dirtying the land while u die. I wasn't cursing u, I was just trying to say u can relax in healthy way.

8) Making noise kaki

Omg sometime I feel so embarrassing to yam cha with this people. They scream so loud, they laugh too loud, they over respond, they freaking many pattern. Omg look! Everyone is looking at us in the cafe now. I think we are famous already. Tomorrow, reporter is gonna interview us. How can we be so loud so hyperactive?

I'm gonna famous soon, everyone is so gonna know who we are! Everyone is gonna share our stories in facebook and they gonna admire us! be prepare from now! 

9) Showing off kaki

You can't beat a show off kaki! When they wanna show off and they telling you their stuff, you will never get to stop them with your star wars sword, your gorilla, your battle ship, your m16. Because when it start, it will never stop!

You will need to get torture by all their awesome stuffs. I will need to repeat the AWESOME words non stop just to make them feel good with what they have. I don't want to drag them down to the black hole about the reality and the real life. So, go ahead. Come on and torture me!

10) funeral mode kaki

There's no laughter, no chitchatting, a very quiet environment. No one is talking. The scary mode. You feel bad even tho u just breathing.  Can you imagine the situation? man, ill never want to go out with these people anymore. Let me go let me go ~ !

Alrighty, so just don't ask me yam cha if you're any of them ok?!

Typical Facebook Weirdos, are you one of them?

1) The Weird Stalker

How do you know if a person is a stalker? Well, of course you need to talk to them and they probably gonna tell you everything about it. Like when I hang out with my friend, they told me. "Eh, the abcd efgh and hijk lmnop is qrstuvwxyz." And I was like, this sounds familiar! Then they told me oh well, I saw you posted on your facebook status. Okay, nevermind. The next thing, they mentioned another status I wrote before. And the awesome part was, they said it out like they memorize the whole things. Awkward part was I don't even remember I had that status! So is abcdefg before hijklmn? 

Oh My ! 

2) Tagging Pictures Without Your Face In It 

Hello, what's the main point you tag me in? Like I don't look like you at all, I don't have your cute duck face, I don't have your fancy bags, I don't have anything in you. WHY THE HELL YOU TAGGED ME IN IT? I find it always weird when they tag their friends in their pictures and the caption wrote: HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE ! with the fucking face in it! I can accept if you tag me with stuffs that your selling or your own business you just started on, but not your fucking face ok?! Why why why!!

3) Fake Shits 

Yea. the fake shits. Girls do make ups, had all their fake eye lashes and so on. We used to see how big different a girl with and without make up, but for me, the best part is, so what if it's just make up? She's not doing the plastic surgery alright? Talking about plastic surgery, I honestly think it's okay if you think you're not pretty enough. But once you got your plastic surgery, your fake boobies, your fake nose, fake eyes, fake lips and so on. I don't feel like you had anything real in you anymore. So, when you having all those fake things on yourself, stop claim that you can't find a real man. Look at yourself first. Stop posting all those scary pictures about your plastic surgery, your emo status where you can't find a real guy. Please. 

4) Complain.com.my 

People just don't stop complain, so do I! I'll never stop complain, complaining about myself. So here's the things, we always see what we dislike to see in the facebook, I'm talking about myself LOL. I saw the girls posted her pictures with big boobs, and the caption is nothing related at all. But everyone knows what's the pictures mean do we? And yea I complain to my friend, I tell them: what's wrong with this girls? Is she alright? Okay I do complain. Some people don't do the complain like this way, they posted it on their status update calling that girl a bitch, they share a picture and telling others about that bitch. Seriously, what's the point you're doing that? That girl obviously seeking for attention and you're helping her to get more attention. If you don't like what you see, don't see. Is childish if you purposely share it out and call her a bitch. Everyone got a life, so why you care so much if you dislike her so much? 

5) Spam Games

Some friends are bored, so they started to stalk their old friends. Then they found something interesting so they like, they keep click like and like and like. And it's spam the other's notifications. Here the fun things, the other just print screen and post up the picture and say WOW, I  KNOW YOU MISS ME, THANKS FOR LIKING MY STUFF. What's even annoying is they spam back and here goes the spam game. If you know what I mean.

6) Punctual Check In

Yes, this is the most annoying stuff I ever seen. They keep posting the same outfit with their faces and just the different angles in a days and also the different times with different status. Like seriously? Why do you do that a lot? Can you imagine? 1am Here I am. 2am Still here I am 3am Well, still here. Anyone here? 4am Left, going another place, guess where Im going? 5am Gotcha, here I am. 6am Hello everyone good morning !! etc etc. Yo, you don't sien I also sien la wei~

Nvm, another case is. OMG OMG, 4 days, I'm going for plastic surgery. 3 days, I'm nervous. 2 days, OMG, I'm gonna kill myself now. 1 day, damn I'm fucking excited. 3 HOURS before, here I am. 2 hours, here's my room. 1 hour, these are all the money I'm gonna pay. 1/2 hour, Goodbye friend.

1 day after surgery, OMG, is fucking pain and it's fucking killing me. 2 day I think I'm pretty! 2 and a half day Gosh, is still pain. 3 days later, Oh no~ 4 days later it's getting better. Etc etc.

I honestly don't care about your diary, but if you made it public, you get my attention.

7) Everything throw on Facebook

Here we are! Like I said, everything! First, I met this guy. He is so cool. Then, I'm falling in love with him. He is so perfect. I could do everything for him. After that, we are in relationship. Then she posted whatever it is. Omg, this guy kick the dogs on the street. Omg this guy smell the neighbour underwear. Omg, this guy eat it after he picked his nose. I'm gonna break up. Oh he said he is sorry. Oh And I think I forgave him. Oh, smelling neighbour's underwear is something fun to do. Oh oh oh oh oh oh! Enough !!

Ok, anyway, I know we could just unfriend or block someone if we dislike to see what they posted. BUT, it's kinda like childish act if we did that. So I always tell my friends to hide all the posts from that fellow. End of story.

If you dislike to see, blind yourself. But if you too afraid of pain, hide the posts. 

Crazy Stuff To Do

I always have some random and stupid stuff that i wanted to do. But doing it alone is no fun. So I wish there are some crazy girls will do it with me together. lol.

1) post shits on fb
We shits a lot. Sometime it's healthy sometime is not. Sometime I'm random sometime I'm not. Sometime you wish to share your awesome shits on social network just to tell others that you are healthy today!! 

2) bold together
Girls have long hair. But most of them always have a thought that what if I'm bold? How does it feels like to have no hair on head? What if all of us get bold together? Are you gonna be with me? 

3) walk back to Taiping
I'm staying in kl, sometime I wonder how long could it takes to walk back to my hometown which is 3 hours car journey. How weird is that seeing someone walking on the highway day and night? 

4) selfie?
Some Malaysian are sporting some are not. What happen if you randomly ask someone to selfie? They either run away or cover their face. But some might selfie together. So I wanna try and see how many times you got rejected, how many times they make you happy.

5) climb on a tree
Go to a crowded place, climb up a tree. Hide yourself. When people pass by, say something creepy but make sure they can't see you.

6) Act like secret Agent
Hop on a taxi and wear like secret Agent, tell the taxi driver Tolong kejar kereta merah tu!! Cepat!!

7) Racing grocery carts
I always wanted to do this. Did it with my brothers but that was at the parking lots. This time I wanna do it with few girls lol, screaming and running and pushing the grocery carts in tesco, giant or aeon. Waiting to get scold and chase out by the security guard.

8) Dress up like a male
I wanna do this like long time ago. Have a short hair wig on my head, wear like a male, walk like a male, talk like a male, and hit on girls like a man! (:

9) Pretend like foreigners
Pretend like a foreigners and speak lousy and no-one-understand English at the reception or counter in a tourist place. Ask if this place nice or big? How many zebras in this zoo? Got dead people in museum? Ask it in lousy English.

10) Stop your car on highway
While you going for a long trip and you get bored in the car, stop your car on the roadside with double signal on so no cars will bang on your ass. Point you fingers to something in the jungle, ask your friends to join. Soon, you will heard in the radio that the highway is having a massive jam. Hahahah, people are curious. I wanna do this.

旅行时最讨厌朋友做的事 Part II

1) 我的衣服很不配~

我试过一次在我很烦恼着要怎么去一个地点，搭几号巴士，哪里下车，首先要问哪个路人等等。我真的在烦恼着的时候，我朋友竟然跟我说了一句：“Eh, 你看我的衣服。很不配厚？早知道不要买。那时候我的感受就像从瀑布掉到谷底。我完全是想把地图丢掉，然后说是咯，很不配。走，我们再去买多一件你满意的衣服再去吧～　:D

2) 从来不带Power bank

有时你不带Power bank就算了，连充电器也不跟我带。我真的很想用我的内裤包着我的充电器，那你就找不到了。明知道旅行还不带，以为跟我用一样用samsung就可以一直借我的来用，都没关系，我的电话没电了，还要很有礼貌的要回我的充电器。明知道自己没有power bank，还要tmd的狂按电话，然后还要很tmd的很厚脸皮的拿我的充电器来用。Knn eh，本小姐的电话忙着看地图找路线用到快没电了都还没用，你tmd的整天自拍那猴子脸浪费电是怎样？

3) 睡觉不关灯

靠腰~ 当我把房间搞到漆黑一片的时候，我肯定被吊死。因为跟我一起睡的女生不是怕黑，就是怕鬼，再不是就是怕人。你都不知道她应该怕的是自己吧，醒来没有把自己吓醒已经很好了。 没关系，其实重点是当你开着灯睡的时候，你的头脑根本不能完完全全休息。所以一整晚我是一直半睡半醒，因为一直以为天亮了~ Knn结果整个trip都好像没有好好睡一觉那样。

4) 抽烟

要是你有抽烟，带一个抽烟的去是还好。要是你好像我一样最讨厌抽烟的人，身边朋友一抽烟我就会用最tmd想杀人的眼神看着他叫他滚远点。所以你可以了解如果我跟一个抽烟的朋友去旅行，我的脸会有多臭！因为其实重点是每吃完一餐饭，他都会说，等我下，抽支烟先。吃完另一顿饭，又来那三字经， 等我下，抽支烟。走了几步路，又来等我下，抽支烟。你知不知道我给了你多少的三分钟？！再抽下去你的肺都掉去屁股了啦！

5) 内裤放厕所

内裤放厕所，内裤放厕所，内裤放厕所，内裤放厕所，内裤放厕所！！！！
干呐塞！把内裤放完整个厕所搞到好像艺术展览这样。那我衣服该放哪里好？我毛巾要挂哪里？你搞这展览的时候有想过我的感受吗？

6) 在酒店relax

我有时不明白为什么来旅行他们都那么喜欢在酒店relax。我们又不是住什么5星级的酒店，你就tmd整天想在房间休息睡觉，那你干脆在你家附近book一间酒店relax啊。需要山长水远来到这里跟我在酒店休息没有wor?

7) 走不动

我可以走很久，可以跑，可以跳，可以爬，总而言之去旅行就是走。你才走那3步路就跟我喊累，不如你请人抬桥抬着你走好不好？要是你真的累了，不能走了我可以原谅。不过我看你血拼时可以从早上走到半夜，那对我来说你埋怨走不动是仙家我的咯。不要去嘛不要去啦，你自己找节目，去血你的拼，我爬我的山。你吹啊？

8) 走错路

当我一个人的时候，我走错路时，我当作运动。当我跟朋友的时候，我走错路，我会莫名其妙的飚很鬼多冷汗，感觉后面有一双很凶狠的眼睛在看着我了。好害怕哦！像一只厉鬼缠身一样。想到都怕。害我以后都不敢乱带路。

9) 网上朋友爱kepoh

几Kepoh？哇老，i tell u lo！他们会突然很kepoh的跟你说，我去过那边的什么什么地方之类的，然后叫你一定要去看。你的好意其实我真的心领了。如果我没问你的话，你就不要kepoh跟我讲可以吗？就好像我一心只想去看山看水看海，你却Pm我说那里的club pub好玩。我根本就不感兴趣啊。所以你是想怎样？

10) 手信

你可以说我kiam siap啦，吝啬啦，什么鬼都好啦！不过我就是不买，不买就是不买！你猫的，特地pm我叫我买这个买那个，还要烂熟的一直要手信。对你来说，手信就是顺便的啊。对我来说，买手信很不简单！不简单就是不简单。你需要用到时间，去选，去看，去摸，去找，去找便宜的。之后你需要的是力度。你要搬，你要抬，你要用力气去拿你拿所谓的手信。eh,记得，你不是唯一一个我要买手信的人喔。你也不知道有多少个像你一样这么厚脸皮的伸手要手信。最后，最让人头痛的就是你的手信占据了我行李的一部分，wahlau，你知道Luggage多贵没有喔。所以咯，你现在明白了没有！？