Future

I always thought of update something on my blog but i always no idea what to write about. Sometime, I have some ideas during the night which means in the middle of night. And it's impossible for me to crawl out of bed, turn on my laptop and write it. I'm a lazy bum. So I ended up wait til the next day but I don't remember what I'm about to write it. Gosh. Even if I jot it down on my phone, I got no idea what does it all about. T.T

Do you ever have a feelings, in the middle of night when everyone is sleeping, and your mind still operating? You think about everything, everything that pop out in your mind. Your relationship, your partner, your family, your friends, your jobs, your education and also your future. You are tired, you want to sleep so much but you just cant.

Then here come all your random thinking. Ever think about your future? What you gonna study? What you wanna be? What you gonna work as? Hows your parents and your siblings gonna be? Who you gonna married to? Your friends? What are they doing after 10 years?

Everyone of us ever come to a moment where you gonna choose what you gonna study. I mean those who continue their study. At this time, they are already cracking their head off. Thinking what they wanna be in the future and what they gonna work as. So they choose the field that they want. And some, they let the decision to their family and end up they are not happy. And those who graduate from their field are rarely work as what they want to be like last time. It's all ruined the fuck up. Sometime, the world kinda force to be what you don't wan to be and you're so weak not to do it.

At the end, you're still cracking your head thinking what course you wanna go for and you ended up insomnia.

Let's just talk about job. Most of the people are working, either working for a company or they are running a company, their own business. So you see, they spend most of their time working. When you ask them go for travel, they will answer you:"Cannot ah, where got time?" They got everything tied up and they can't do anything. Even the one who own a business or running a business, they seems have more time, but still they are too busy taking care their business. So, what is the purpose we are born in this world? Work and get money for a better life? How do you define your 'better'?

Some people work so much, earn lots of money but they never happy. They feel stress all the time, easily pissed off, and never satisfy with whatever they have and they get sick easily too. But for some people, they never take jobs seriously. Sometime they work and sometime they don't. They have money problem but they don't care. They just want to enjoy life and they easily satisfy. They are happy all the time when you see them.

At this age, you always confuse what you want. And you don't know which is better for you. End up, you insomnia until morning.

Now is about your friends. I always saw lots of people at my age, posted about: I have lots of friends but they are not there when I need them. I feel so helpless. You see, at some point, you may be proud that you have lots of friends but trust me. They are just hi bye friends. They will look for you when they need help and say no when you need help. There's nothing to be sad of, at least you're in their mind when they need help. Trust me, you only need 1 or 2 best friend in your life. Whenever you need help, they will do whatever they could to help you. When you're sad to death, they will appear at your door and hug you tight. Aren't you suppose to be happy instead of staying sad because of the hi bye friends?

And now, stop thinking about your dog friends in the middle of night and emo yourself. Think about the good memories with your best friend.

Are you close with your parents? How much do you love them? Are you willing to shorten your life and make their life longer for 10 years? When we are kids, we hate them so much. Like they controlling us, come home before 11pm, do not buy those rubbish things and waste money, stop spending money like water, etc etc. But when you get to some age, you realize they are getting older, they getting weaker and so on. At the time, you gonna cry saying time please go slower, I don't want them to get old.

Don't be insomnia thinking and wishing the time could go any slow, be good to them start from now. Call them and tell them you're good at the place you're at. Always check on them like how they check for you when you're a kid. They are happy with that.

Relationship is the toughest shit ever you could ever go through it. I don't really believe in forever love even they do exists. I got brainwash when I was a kid, they told me it's useless to get married. You should go work and live by your own. And so, I don't really care about relationship, I do have bfs before, and they will never go long.

I have a nightmare before, I dream that I fall in love with a guy. Well, it should be a good dream right? But I fall in love with a guy after I married. And this turn the fucked up. I woke up and thinking, what should I do? Why can't I be loyal to someone? Because I'm too afraid to be serious and I'm too afraid to lose someone so it's impossible for me to commit to someone. Friends around me, in relationship for 10 years and broke up for some reason. Gosh, wasted 10 years time for a guy and now back to the origin point. I went to a temple before and my mum force me to try ask about my future. And he told me I'm not suitable to get married because my life will turn worst compare to before. I know it will be. It's up to you to believe it or not. I'm whatever but this make me an excuse to keep playing all the time. Not to get too serious in a relationship.

End up I'm forever alone.

This is exactly what your mind is all about when you're insomnia. You can think about your future, but you don't have to. It happens so soon enough. Don't crack your head up.

Friends keep asking me to update blog, when I ask what about it? He said: well, something about scolding people lah. You always scold people. Then I realized, when you started to work, you shouldn't scold others. Because they are not your family. You should just tell them in a nice way. And so, I diam d.

That's it. I know it's bored. I'm bored and tired of thinking about future too. Let's just be spontaneous.